Milla 366

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Welcome to the new year!

Although feeling rather excited about what this year may bring, I couldn't help but notice a particularly significant lump in my throat as I lay Milla down to sleep tonight.  For the first night in her entire life, Milla is not sleeping in our room.  For the last 18 months, she has delighted us with her sweet sleeping baby face pressed happily against our chests, her cooing and babbling in the wee hours of the morning, her excited murmurs as she clambers from breast to breast feeding through the night.  She has never (really) been anything but pure perfection to share a room - and bed - with.  I could be happy to have her in our room forever, but sadly, I don't think she feels the same way.  With her brother pleading with us for months to let him have her in his room, and with the exciting thought that Nick and I could have a room to ourselves for the first time in four years, it seemed a really easy and natural transition.  Only now, looking down on my babies sweet, trusting face am I feeling a nauseating pang of doubt and anxiety.  I hope she doesn't feel rejected, I hope I am not failing her as a mother, I hope she'll actually enjoy sharing with her brother finally.

Thankfully, all doubts quickly fade as I remember the look of sheer joy on her face as she walked into Zen's room to see her cot beside his bed.  She looked in awe from cot to bed and squealed "Goes here! Goes here!"  Once in her bed, she gleefully grabbed her owl, said "Ni ni", laid down, pulled her blanket up and gave me a beaming smile.  Though I will still, will always, worry that what I am doing is right, I think I can rest assured knowing that tonight as the first night of our new year, Zen and Milla are having the time of their lives.